


In The End (What Should I Do?)

by hikarusora



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Feelings Realization, How Do I Tag, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Suicide, One Shot, Other, Please Don't Kill Me, im seriously sorry tho, its been awhile i still dont know how to tag, major (?) character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:35:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23582461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hikarusora/pseuds/hikarusora
Summary: ive put it in the tags but ill say this againtw//implied suicide
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	In The End (What Should I Do?)

**Author's Note:**

> ive put it in the tags but ill say this again
> 
> tw//implied suicide

_'Aren't you mean? Selfish even. How could you make me fall for you when you're planning to leave so soon?'_

___

_'It was unfair,'_

Soonyoung came like a miracle, so sudden yet so magical. Out of nowhere the slanted eyed guy approached him, asking him out to the school's annual prom. So casual as if they were friends when in reality they have never talked to each other.

_'Why me?'_

Because Soonyoung and him? School's favourite dance team leader and baseball team captain? They were not a pair that anyone expected. Not even Jihoon himself.

But when Soonyoung was standing there in front of him, with a pair of eyes glistened with hopes and a smile that was too soft Jihoon had ever seen from him, he could not hear himself say any other words than yes.

___

_'You make my first prom the most memorable, the most beautiful, but yet the most painful. How could you?'_

Soonyoung took him out of the hall right after the music started to play. Rather than confused as to why they did not dance to the music, Jihoon felt warmth sparked inside him at their intertwined fingers as Soonyoung brought him away from the loudness of the music and into the peacefulness of the calm night outside.

The night went as simple as that. Them strolling around with their hands tightly held onto each other, their sides lightly brushed with how close they were walking next to each other, their voices were just for them to hear.

For someone that he just knew but to be able to have no awkward silence in between, to have their conversation flowed so well, he really thought they have known each other longer than that.

Jihoon never felt so comfortable with someone for so long.

___

_'The words you said, the smiles you gave, the way you held and touched me, I thought I'll remember those with smiles on my face, but why did you decide to replace it with tears?'_

Their strolling stopped in the middle of an open basketball court, where the moonlight shone so bright upon them and sparkling stars splattered across the dark sky.

It was a beautiful view for Jihoon, especially when Soonyoung made them stood facing each other and all Jihoon could see was Soonyoung's smile taking over the brightness of the moonlight and the shining stars behind him.

_'You were so beautiful, I think that was the moment when I started to fall for you,'_

Soonyoung suddenly yet gently took both of Jihoon's hands and wrapped them around his neck while he did the same later but to Jihoon's small waist. He smiled softly at the shocked face of Jihoon.

"What's a prom without a dance, right?" the question with the little playful tone in his voice emitted a burst of laughter from Jihoon.

"But what's a dance without music?" Jihoon asked in between his faded laugh and Soonyoung was quick to give him another playful grin.

"There could always be a dance with music,"

"How?" Jihoon wondered how one could make him smile just by doing nothing but then there he was, unable to stop his lips from twitching and quirking up into a smile just by looking at the man before him.

"You can always create your own music, especially when you're with your muse," Soonyoung's grin grew wider as he cheekily winked at the smaller.

Oh, if Jihoon isn't falling any deeper.

___

_'I was really glad I said yes, but then again, why are you making me regret it now?_

"This is my stop," Jihoon said once they arrived in front of his house. He tilted his head up to his side where Soonyoung was looking at his house for a good few seconds before he returned the look from Jihoon's eyes.

"It's a great night. Thank you, for asking me to be your date," the smaller uttered slowly as his eyes darted down from Soonyoung's slanted eyes to their still intertwined fingers.

"I would say the same," Jihoon felt gentle fingers on his chin, tilting his head up to meet the beautiful eyes again.

"Thank you for saying yes and be my date for tonight. To be honest, I expected you to reject me but..you don't and here we are," light chuckles laced Soonyoung's words as he said, Jihoon followed suit and soon their laughter boomed throughout the peaceful night.

It was not long before their laughs toned down and meeting them with silence. They just stood there, hands still holding onto each other whilst letting their eyes did the rest of the conversation.

"You know I won't bite if you ask me anything, right?" Soonyoung suddenly broke the silence with a playful question.

Perhaps he saw the overflowing questions running in Jihoon's pretty eyes that he asked, but Jihoon was slightly taken aback, making him flushed and averted his gazes down.

"I'm just...wondering. Why me? Out of all people that wanted to go to the prom with you, why me that you asked? Because we never talked and..I don't know since when you even know me," his voice went from clear to barely audible but Soonyoung caught them all.

"I'd like to see you smile, closer and because of me. So, because of that, I've made it my personal mission to make it happen and should I say that I succeed,"

The way Soonyoung uttered it, the way he looked at Jihoon, the way he still held Jihoon's hand in his, all contented and calm, all earnest and sincere, doing nothing to Jihoon but making him fell deeper and deeper.

_'But that feeling was so beautiful. It was so beautiful but now you tainted it with this agony. Really, how could you?'_

___

_"Soonyoung is gone,"_

That was what he heard as soon as he stepped into school the next monday. Jihoon expected many things related to Soonyoung will be told or said to him that day. Many things but not _this_.

Soonyoung is gone? Gone where? He had not mention leaving to somewhere, so what do they mean by gone? So many questions with so many possible answers he expected, but definitely _not these_ ;

_"His parents found him unconscious in his room yesterday, pills scattered around him,"_

_"Overdosed,"_

_"He could be saved but his room was locked,"_

_"They're just a little late,"_

Jihoon heard so many things, so many information were shoved into him all at once but what made his world spinning is the fact that Soonyoung is gone.

_Soonyoung is gone._

But why? For what? Why would he do that? He was so happy spending the prom with Jihoon, he looked so ready to spend another time with Jihoon the next time they would meet so why would he took his life away like that?

Why would he leave after he made Jihoon felt like they will become something special?

___

Jihoon's questions were answered the day after. By a piece of letter from Soonyoung, given by his still mourning mother who uttered nothing other than saying Soonyoung left a letter for him.

And Jihoon...

Through bleary-eyed and clouded mind, he read the letter, words by words, from 'Hello, Jihoon' to 'With love, Soonyoung'. Desperately, he tried to imprint each sentence into his head forever, from the too bitter reasonings or the too sweet confessions.

In the end, everything hurts a bit too much.

___

_Hello, Jihoon._

_I honestly not too sure myself either, why would i write this letter for you, it's not like I really have anything to tell you but I just want you to know that, despite this...whatever decision I've come into, everything that I did to and with you were sincerely with my heart. There were not a single thing I did was to lead you on or to pull some pranks on you. I meant everything that I said, that its really my personal mission to make you smile, at least once, before I leave._

_Why would I want to leave, you might wonder._

_I'd like to tell you more, but other than my life is actually a living hell masked with some fake heaven, there's not much to tell you._

_A sweet little thing like you, you don't deserve to know how one life could be so miserable but I've reached my limit and I take your smile as the last sign that I've finally allowed to leave._

_I'm sorry. I just thought before I leave all these hells, I can be a bit selfish, wanting a little happiness all to myself._

_But I do meant what I said, I like your smile. I hope that remains even if I'm no longer can witness it._

_With love, Soonyoung._

___

By the fifth time he read the last sentence, the letter was almost blotchy and damp with tears, crumpled in his hands as he could no longer re-read the piece again. No one was there with him but he felt like hiding himself from everything, curling himself into a small ball on the floor of his room as he buried his face in his knees.

His sobs were not loud, but deafening enough to let anyone hearing know just how much pain he was in.

_'In the end, how could my smile remains when you take it with you as you left. In the end, what should I do with this blooming feelings I have for you, Soonyoung?'_

**Author's Note:**

> ive posted this before but then suddenly writer's block came and boom im gone. months after, in the middle of quarantine, at 4 am, this is finally finished. 
> 
> wanna pray this writer's block phase ended here so i can continue update my aus? please😩


End file.
